Not every situation is suitable for direct amends, as some individuals might suffer as a result. It is https://ecosoberhouse.com/ important to evaluate whether reaching out could lead to more harm than good FHE Health. Thoughtfulness in this step ensures that the intention of reconciliation does not inadvertently increase someone’s pain or discomfort.
- Taking full responsibility, regardless of circumstances, is key in an amends letter.
- Our goal is to help you choose the best path for your recovery.
- Patience, understanding, and acceptance are crucial in this process.
- Steps 8 and 9 of the standard Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program address the 12-Step amends process.
You demonstrate an awareness of your past actions and their consequences and a heartfelt commitment to mitigating these harms. An apology is expressing regret or saying sorry for causing harm to someone. Making an amend means taking accountability and action to repair any damages done.
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This might mean delaying the amends or finding alternative ways to demonstrate your commitment to change without putting yourself at risk. The goal is to maintain your recovery while striving to make things right. Feeling ashamed of past mistakes should not prevent you from making amends. Recovery is about aligning your actions with your intentions, which often did not match during the time period of your active addiction. Financial amends require compensation to anyone harmed financially by someone’s alcoholism.
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The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present. Those in recovery are encouraged to keep an ongoing ninth step in their life by continuing to pay off debts and refraining from lying, stealing, or cheating. The ninth step is very action-oriented and provides a sense of relief.
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Because I would wait for those episodes and go, Oh, yeah, I was there for that. For example, we might intend to go to a friend’s birthday party, but in actuality, we fail to show up for the event. While we might apologize later for missing the party, our apology consists of words rather than living amends aa actions or changed behavior.
Because he is a member of a support group that stresses the importance of anonymity at the public level, he does not use his photograph or his real name on this website. I tend to hide the memory of past transgressions under the ever-handy umbrella of “Didn’t do it if I don’t remember”. Since I spent years in a boozy haze all sorts of hurts were ignored. Making amends may seem like a bitter pill to swallow, but for those serious about recovery, it can be good medicine for the spirit and the soul.
What Does Making Amends Have to Do With Sobriety?
However, completing it often brings immense relief and renewed hope. Step 9 is about restoring peace through self-forgiveness, forgiving others, and making amends, which is essential to recovery. Individuals should reflect on the relationships they seek to amend and consider the potential impact of their actions.
Restoration means bringing something back to its former state, usually things that have been damaged. This can mean restoring our reputations, and even restoring trust in a relationship. Indirect Amends – finding ways to repair damage that cannot be reversed or undone by doing things like volunteering and helping others. When approaching a relationship with God or anyone else, you need a good line of communication. You can listen to God through the Bible, and you can talk through prayer.
Living vs. Direct Amends at a Glance
Begin with a sincere apology, being specific about the wrongs committed instead of making vague statements of guilt. This specificity strengthens the impact of your amends letter and shows that you have thoroughly reflected on your actions. When planning, start Sober living house with the people closest to you and create a communication strategy. Be mindful of the potential for harm when reaching out and prepare for any difficult reactions.
One can start with those amends that may be easier and work their way up to the more challenging ones. Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve. Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill. Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward.